Pickles Are As Popular As Ever, So I Taste-Tested All The Fan-Favorite Pickle Brands (And There Was A Very Clear Winner)

There are plenty of options out there when it comes to pickle varieties, and I'm not one to discriminate. Bread and butter? No sandwich is complete without 'em. Sours? Chef's kiss. But for the purposes of this experiment, I had to go with the classic: kosher dills. They're the ones that likely come to mind when most people think of pickles, and I just so happen to think they're the most delicious to eat on their own as a snack.

Fun fact: Kosher dill pickles, contrary to what the name might suggest, no longer have much to do with the dietary standards of traditional Jewish law. Once a staple food for Jewish people living in Eastern Europe, this particular variety of pickled cucumbers was introduced to Americans by Jewish immigrants in the late 1800s. The "kosher" in the name really just signifies that there's garlic in the brine, which was the traditional way of making them.

• Mt. Olive

• McClure's

• Trader Joe's

• Vlasic

• Whole Foods 365

• B&G

• Claussen

• Grillo's

• Boar's Head

If you've read any of my other grocery store taste tests — from ice cream to ranch dressing — you know there's one aspect that's absolutely crucial when it comes to getting the best possible results: conducting a blind taste test. 

FWIW, he chose them randomly! Not in this order.

I even took a stab at guessing each brand as I tasted them, but that was mostly for fun since, TBH, I wasn't correct even once.

These pickle spears may be flavored with "garlic and dill," but TBH, I didn't even taste a hint of those ingredients. All I tasted was a strange, off-putting brine with palpable notes of "old water" and must.

Beyond the off-putting flavor, I found the texture of these pickles to be one of the mushiest I tried. There were a ton of seeds at the center of each spear, which gave it a gelatinous, goopy texture. Yes, food preferences can be subjective, but I can't imagine anybody finding that texture appetizing. I know I sure didn't.

Couple the gloopy texture and puzzlingly-bad brine with the fact that these pickles were actually the most expensive variety I tried, and folks, we, unfortunately, have a loser.

Vlasic pickles were the ones we always kept in our house while growing up. I doubt I'm alone here — they're one of the highest-selling pickles out there for their affordability and that instantly recognizable branding. I just remembered, though: I actually didn't like pickles as a kid. Coincidence? I think not.

Whole Foods' generic brand of dill pickle spears was one of only two brands I tried that were labeled organic. Sadly, I think this contender was bonafide proof that "organic" doesn't always mean better — at least when it comes to taste.

The initial taste was OK. Not a lot of dill or garlicky goodness going on, but bright, punchy, and pleasantly acidic. As soon as the flavors lingered on my tastebuds, however, I was punched with a pretty awful aftertaste. I described it as "floral" and "soapy" — almost perfume-like. It's definitely not a gross flavor, but it's certainly one that I've never tasted in any pickle that I've tried in my lifetime.

While the texture of these pickles was more or less OK, I sadly can't say the same about the flavor. Like Vlasic's pickles, I was hit over the head with the taste of olive brine, which gave these pickles a murky, unappetizing taste overall. Great for olives, yes, but weird for cucumbers.

Flavor aside, these were just snappy enough. I would've enjoyed a more pronounced crunch as I bit into them, though they certainly weren't as soft and mushy as some of the other contenders. Their middle-of-the-road ranking definitely proves that these pickles aren't bad, but for a jar of pickles that are pushing $5 (and certainly one of the pricier brands of the non-refrigerated varieties), I wouldn't recommend these to most pickle lovers.

As the only other organic option on this list besides Whole Foods 365, I found this one to be the superior choice for multiple reasons. IMO, this was the first of the bunch to actually taste a little bit like dill (though just a little bit), and though I wasn't a major fan of the brine itself, it was definitely passable.

Flavor-wise, I noted that these had a "dirty water" taste to them in terms of the brine. No, I don't literally mean they tasted like dirt — the flavors were just a bit murky and not all that distinct. I will note that these are the first pickles I tested where I could taste a hint of actual dill and garlic, but both flavors were unfortunately overpowered by the slightly funky brine.

How they got these pickles so crunchy, I'm genuinely unsure. All I know is that I audibly gasped when I bit into this one because it was one of the crunchiest pickles I've chomped down on in my life. To be clear: The flavor of these bad boys didn't even come close to the remarkable crunch factor, but considering these were the best of the bunch, texturally, they still scored pretty darn high.

Then there's the texture. The crunch as I bit into this pickle was noticeably loud, and it was firm and crunchy all the way through. The skin was tender but crisp, and the flesh was super snappy. For non-refrigerated pickles, which are apparently less crunchy than their refrigerated counterparts, I was genuinely shocked and incredibly impressed. The only thing I genuinely didn't like about these pickles was the neon Yellow 5-ified hue that I noticed after the fact, but hey, blind taste test, right?

I've been a fan of Grillo's pickles for a while now. Back in the days when I had a Costco membership (The Good Times™), they were always on my list of club-size goodies to grab when I was there. While they weren't the outright winners here — tasting them in tandem with the others definitely revealed a not-so-great quality about them — they're still a great option when you consider their complex flavor and inherent quality for the price.

Ya know, considering they're the deli meat people, I guess I can't be surprised that Boar's Head's pickles also happen to be ridiculously delicious. I looked through a lot of online pickle forums in preparation for this taste test — they exist, and they're amazing — and just about everyone had nothing but great things to say about Boar's Head pickles. After my blind taste test, I'm firmly adding my name to the list of folks that are obsessed with these, and for a couple of distinct reasons.

While they weren't the crunchiest pickles I tried, they were crunchy enough. I did find the skins on the pickles to be a bit on the tough side, but at this point, I'm probably just looking for criticism wherever I can find it. The flesh was snappy and flavorful, which more than made up for the fact that they weren't the crunchiest of the bunch.

When I tasted this pickle, it brought a literal tear to my eye. They're everything you want a good dill pickle to be — incredibly crunchy, packed with fresh, herbaceous flavor, and their brine is just bright and punchy enough without making you pucker. IMO, it is the perfect pickle.

I also gave these pickles a flavor score of 10 because they really deserved it. More than any of the other pickles I tried, these tasted the "cleanest." Not in an "eat clean" way (gross), but because I could pick out and identify each and every flavoring agent they use in their brine. The dill itself comes through beautifully and makes these pickles extra refreshing, and the juiciness that each one packs is pretty much next-level.

If I could only pick one brand of pickles to eat for the rest of my life, I'd choose these in a heartbeat. And at less than $5 for a truly packed jar, I also think you're getting great value alongside that remarkable flavor and quality.

#2: Claussen (9/10)

#3: Grillo's (9/10)

#4: Boar's Head (7/10)

#5: Whole Foods 365 (7/10)

#6: Trader Joe's (7/10)

#7: Mt. Olive (6/10)

#8: Vlasic (3/10)

#9: McClure's (2/10)

#2: Boar's Head (9/10)

#3: Grillo's (6/10)

#4: Trader Joe's (5/10)

#5: B&G (4/10)

#6: Mt. Olive (4/10)

#7: Whole Foods 365 (2/10)

#8: Vlasic (2/10)

#9: McClure's (1/10)