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"I Need Help Crushing My Wife": This Guy Asked For Help Winning A Chocolate Chip Cookie Contest Against His Spouse, And The Internet Absolutely Delivered

"It's not enough to make it turn into an entirely different dessert, but it's present enough in the flavor profile that you can't quite figure out what's making the cookie taste so darn delicious."

Hear me out: I don't think there's anything more satisfying than a freshly-baked chocolate chip cookie right out of the oven. Their warmth and inherent nostalgia could put a smile on just about anyone's face. Unless they become the subject of a light-hearted marital dispute — which is exactly what happened on the internet this week.

Recently, I stumbled upon a genuinely entertaining Reddit thread starring one redditor in a very particular predicament. According to u/MasterChief0919, his wife "said she makes the best chocolate chip cookies," to which he joked that he'd make better ones someday. Her response: "Good luck, but I'll see it when pigs fly." And thus, a matrimonial cookie war commenced.

The redditor turned to the deeply knowledgeable r/Cooking community so he could "crush his wife" in the competition, and folks, Reddit really came through with the advice.

Though I'm not at all sure how the cookie battle panned out, I do feel 100% ready to try out some of these cookie tips, methods, and recipes the next time I decide to bake a big ol' batch of them.

1. "I've tried all the best chocolate chip cookie recipes, and Jacques Torres' is by far the best recipe I've found. The key thing with this recipe is the texture. The combination of cake flour and bread flour is next-level — they're chewy, tender, and crispy at the same time. It's magic."

baker holding a large cookie and snapping it in half

2. "My secret ingredient: I always add a bit of orange zest to my cookie dough. It's not apparent enough that it ends up tasting like oranges, but it brightens things up in a way that's really delicious and hard to pinpoint."

zesting an orange over a wooden cutting board

3. "My wife makes this one specific chocolate chip cookie where you take the pan out of the oven and violently smash the baking sheet on the counter three times every few minutes. It's freaking amazing! It makes little crinkles that crisp up, but the valleys stay gooey. It is by far the best chocolate chip cookie I have ever had."

arrow pointing to a large, thin chocolate chip cookie with crinkly edges

4. "The chocolate chip cookies from Levain Bakery in New York City are world famous for a reason. They're pretty different from typical chocolate chip cookies — most notably due to their large size. A number of people have tried to recreate their recipe, and after testing a bunch of them, I've found that YouTuber Joshua Weissman's recipe is the best of the bunch."

cross section of a very chocolaty, gooey chocolate chip cookie

5. "One of the most important variables in cookie-baking is salt content. I like my cookies a bit salty and have found that most people do, too. I have a friend who is a wonderful baker, but he uses unsalted butter. Though he does add salt to the recipe, everything about the cookies is just missing that little bit of contrast between salty and sweet — so, I'd say using a good salted butter in your dough definitely makes for a good cookie."

creaming butter and sugar in a bowl

6. "The best chocolate chip cookies I've ever had are Toll House's — but with some important modifications..."

making cookie dough with a bag of toll house chocolate chips on the bottom right corner

7. "People always rave about the cookies I make, and my secret is adding a package of vanilla pudding mix. I mix it into the butter and sugar while I'm creaming them together. They always come out so soft!"

holding up a container of jello-instant vanilla pudding mix over a mixing bowl

8. "Add in just a little bit of creamy peanut butter when you add the softened butter. It's not enough to make it turn into a peanut butter cookie, but it's present enough in the flavor profile that you can't quite figure out what's making the cookie taste so darn delicious."

scooping peanut butter out of a jar with a knife

9. "Bake your cookies at a higher temperature than most recipes call for — maybe around 375ºF. The higher temperature gives you that perfectly crisp exterior without overcooking the middle, and the cookies will stay on the thicker side since they'll spread out less."

thick chocolate chip cookies baked at a higher temperature

10. "A very simple thing you can do with almost any chocolate chip cookie recipe, just to make things a bit richer: Replace every egg with two egg yolks. No egg whites! It adds the perfect amount of richness to the cookies, and most 'professional' bakeries do it this way."

whisking egg yolks into cookie dough

11. "Always use a silicone baking mat! It may seem like an unimportant step, but it makes a huge difference. You won't have to use cooking spray when you use silicone, so saving the cookies from additional oiliness improves the taste significantly."

three large chocolate chips cookies on a yellow and tan silicone baking mat

12. "No matter what chocolate chip cookie recipe you're using, always use twice as much brown sugar as white sugar. That ratio always results in cookies that are crisp on the outside and tender on the inside."

A man mixing ingredients for cookies

13. "Using brown butter instead of regular butter definitely helps with depth of flavor, but you'd be surprised how much depth in this recipe comes from letting the dough rest in the refrigerator. The 'tear and recombine' technique is also huge for texture and makes the edges really crisp."

A measuring cup full of liquid

14. "My best tip: Always use a chocolate that you like eating on its own instead of regular chocolate chips. If it's a sweeter kind of chocolate, you may end up needing to reduce the amount of sugar in the recipe, but it's so, so worth it."

chopping chocolate into fine pieces on a wooden cutting board

15. "Toast the sugar that you use in the recipe! It may take a while, but it's totally worth it. I now keep a bag of toasted sugar in the pantry just for my cookies."

golden yellow toasted sugar in a baking dish

16. "I am known in my circle to make the best chocolate chip cookies people have had. I always ask my friends for 1-10 ratings...and I always get above 10. First of all, use Guittard chocolate. Second of all, I add 1/4 cup of cream cheese to the dough to keep them really soft."

Someone putting ingredients in a mixing bowl

17. "I like to take about a quarter of the chocolate or chocolate chips I end up using, chop them up really finely, and mix that into the dough. It makes the chocolaty flavors pop a lot more, and they look beautiful!"

Someone mixing chocolate chips and other ingredients in a bowl

18. "My mom makes absolutely killer chocolate chip cookies. Everyone's always raved about them my whole life. I've never had one quite as good as hers, to be honest. Recently, I found out that she's been using butter-flavored Crisco in place of actual butter all these years. I don't know how, but it makes the cookies quite good. They always turn out incredibly chewy and pleasantly soft."

person holding crisco butter flavor shortening over a bowl for mixing cookie dough

19. "I use chocolate chips and toffee bits — Heath makes pre-crushed toffee bits which saves a lot of time from trying to break up bars yourself. If the recipe calls for 1 1/2 cups of mix-ins, I usually end up adding 2 with the toffee."

broken up pieces of toffee in a plastic bag

20. "Malted milk powder. It's the ultimate secret weapon for lots of desserts, but it's a particularly good addition to chocolate chip cookies. It makes them really tender and so soft."

malted milk powder in a measuring spoon

21. "I always put flaky salt on my cookie sheet and then place the ball of cookie dough directly on top. Sometimes, I find that salt sprinkled on top doesn't stick to the dough and falls off when cooked, but not with this method."

flaky salt on top of a chocolate chip cookie

Have you tried any of these cookie tips (or recipes) before? If so, what'd you think? Let me know in the comments — and if you have any other helpful cookie-baking advice, I'm all ears. 👇

Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.